


Gone Are The Days

by ruthie13



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: Angst, F/F, Smut, hintsssss of soran and so'hara
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-15
Updated: 2020-01-15
Packaged: 2021-02-26 07:17:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,475
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22269166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ruthie13/pseuds/ruthie13
Summary: Emily leaves without saying goodbye.
Relationships: Lindsey Horan/Kelley O'hara
Comments: 13
Kudos: 50





	Gone Are The Days

**Author's Note:**

> Is this coping? Am I doing it right?  
Sorry if this isn't very cohesive, I wrote most of it before the trade stuff and then just decided to sprinkle the extra angst on top.

Emily leaves without saying goodbye. It hurts more than Lindsey was prepared for, coming back to the room after the last dinner and seeing Emily’s side already cleared out. As if on cue, her phone dings then. _ Caught an earlier flight. _

No, _see you_ no, _love you. _The worst part is, she thought she’d been helping. Keeping things light at practice, making people come over at every moment of down time, even making Emily paint her nails one night just keep her busy. But clearly she hadn’t been, because Emily is gone, without even a goodbye, and for the first time in a long time Lindsey doesn’t exactly know when she’ll see her again. 

There’s only one thing to do then, really, so she knocks on Kelley’s door. Kelley answers with her phone in her hand and crease between her eyebrows. 

“You know.” Lindsey says more than asks, because Kelley knows everything, always, especially when it concerns Emily. 

“Yeah. Did you see her?” Kelley says, right on the edge of concerned. 

“No. She changed her flight I guess.” 

Kelley steps back and lets her into the room. “Allie took off too. When’s your flight?”

“A bunch of us aren’t leaving until tomorrow night. We were gonna hang out and ...I don’t know. Dumb idea, I guess.” Lindsey takes a heavy seat on the edge of Kelley’s bed. Kelley follows, standing over her. Lindsey feels gross. She feels dirty. She doesn’t want to sit around a hotel with Sam and Rose tomorrow, she wants to get on a plane and chase Emily across the country. She wants to get herself traded, wants to hit something, wants to—

“Hey. You were a good friend this week.” Kelley says. Lindsey laughs at that and then feels like an asshole for laughing. 

“Not really. I thought she was feeling better, but clearly not.” Lindsey says. Kelley doesn’t respond right away. She just studies Lindsey, and taps on her own chin a little. 

“You’re really torn up about this.” Kelley observes. 

“And you’re not?” Lindsey snaps. She tries for a softer tone next. “No offense, but I don’t actually want to talk about this with you.” 

“She loves you,” Kelley continues as if Lindsey hadn’t spoken. Lindsey has no idea what they’re talking about now except that she absolutely does. She hates Kelley a little bit, in that moment, and it feels good in her chest, to hate someone. 

“She loves you too.” Is all the says back, with just a little bite. And it passes between them unspoken, the _ not the way I want her to. _It’s less camaraderie though and more — competition.

Kelley quirks her mouth up at that, like they’re sharing an inside joke. Then she takes a seat next to Lindsey on the bed. “It’s not fair to be mad at her.”

Lindsey has to look at the ceiling to stop herself from punching Kelley in her dumb, understanding face. “Well, I am.” 

“Yeah, it’s kind of obvious. But you’re being unreasonable. I don’t blame Sonnett for dipping early, honestly.”

“Oh, fuck you.” Lindsey says, heatedly. She’s suddenly on her feet. “I’m not mad at Sonny! Well I am for her not saying goodbye today, but mostly I’m mad at Mark, and the whole front office, and Orlando, and— and—”

“And you’re mad at Sonny,” Kelley jumps up too, just as heated, “and this trade is the perfect excuse because now you can be mad at her for leaving you instead of mad at her for—”

“You don’t know what the hell you’re talking about—” Lindsey interrupts. 

“—Instead of mad at her,” Kelley rushes out, almost gleeful in her anger, “mad at her for not loving you back the way you want!”

“She doesn’t want you either!” Lindsey shouts back. 

“She’s had me!” Kelley says with a derisive snort, and that shocks the fight right out of Lindsey. 

“You've ...you and Sonny have…?” Lindsey asks, feeling her anger not subside but start to take a different shape. 

“Like you two haven’t.” Kelley says, raising her eyebrows. “Don’t make that face. You didn’t call dibs.” 

“Don’t talk about her like that.” Lindsey says. 

“Oh, that kills you,” Kelley says, goading her with a mean smile. “Surprise Linds, you’re not the only teammate Son’s slept with.”

“Shut. Up.” Lindsey growls. 

“Wow.” Kelley steps closer. “That must hurt. Thinking you finally had what you wanted ...did she apologize after? Beg to stay friends? Sounds familiar, huh? And you said yes, but you can’t be friends with her, not really, and instead of owning up to it you’re gonna act like what you’re really mad about is some fucking trade—”

Kelley’s coming steadily closer and Lindsey can’t hear another fucking word out of her mouth so she does the first thing she can think of; she grabs the front of Kelley’s sweatshirt and drags her into a kiss. 

It does what she wanted in that Kelley shuts up. The stay frozen for a moment, the room suddenly, blissfully, quiet and it’s only when Kelley starts to reciprocate that Lindsey realizes what she’s done and breaks the kiss. She doesn’t back up though and neither does Kelley and this close Lindsey can only see the color high on Kelley’s cheeks, and the way her eyes are so, so bright. 

“Oh.” Kelley says. “Wow. Okay.”

“Um.” Lindsey says. She can feel her cheeks burning and her lips are too, Kelley’s breathe ghosting over them. 

“I kinda thought you were gonna slap me.” Kelley says. “But this is better.” 

This time Kelley initiates the kiss, closing the gap between them and immediately matching Lindsey’s intensity. Her hands dig into Lindsey’s shoulders while Lindsey stays gripping the front of Kelley’s shirt, and it’s only when they break apart again to breathe that Lindsey realizes she’s forced Kelley onto her tiptoes. 

She’s thinking about that, about how small Kelley is, when Kelley _ shoves _ her by the hands resting on her shoulders, surprise being the main thing that sends Lindsey sprawling back onto the bed. Kelley doesn’t follow right away though. She stands in between Lindsey’s legs and puts her hands on Lindsey’s thighs and looks at her. And then, slowly, she runs her hands all the way up Lindsey’s thighs, up to the waistband of her leggings, and then she tugs a little, questioning. 

Lindsey feels like she’s in a fever dream. Her whole body is hot and shaky, still feeling the adrenaline from the fighting and the kissing. She wants to stop thinking. She wants to finally feel wanted. She lifts her hips into Kelley’s hands. 

Kelley strips Lindsey’s leggings quickly and then says, “Take off your shirt.” Once Lindsey is left only in her bra and underwear, Kelley climbs into her lap, still wearing her shorts and hoodie, and goes back to kissing her. Instinctively, Lindsey puts her hands on Kelley’s hips, moves her hoodie up a little to touch her skin. It hits on her again, how small Kelley feels in her lap, in her arms. She pulls a little harder on Kelley’s hoodie, until Kelley leans back and gives her an unimpressed look. Lindsey takes her hands back, feeling chastised, even more so when Kelley slides out of her lap. 

Lindsey feels her cheeks burning again, this time more out of embarrassment than anything. She wishes she was more covered up, wishes the lights were off, wishes deep down it was someone else standing in front of her. 

“Lay back.” Kelley says. Lindsey scoots back on the bed but again Kelley doesn’t follow. Instead, she takes her sweatshirt off, then her shirt. It helps a little bit, but Lindsey is still half a mind to run. She could still put her clothes on, she muses, go back to her room, do some breathing exercises. Call her therapist. But then Kelley takes her bra off and well — she can stay a little longer, Lindsey figures. Kelley smirks a little like she’s got her all figured out, and finally climbs back on the bed, hovering over Lindsey, but instead of leaning down she straddles Lindsey’s lap and pulls out her hair tie, shaking her hair out — and _ that _ is a view — before carefully retying it. 

Lindsey props herself up on her elbows to watch, but once Kelley’s done she pushes Lindsey back down again, this time following with her body and finally, finally, kissing her again. They get lost in it quickly, Lindsey gets lost in it, putting her hands all over Kelley’s body and its good, it’s all good, it’s all really fucking good. Not that she had any doubt in her mind that Kelley would be anything less than “really good” at this. 

Lindsey’s not surprised by how good Kelley is at this, or by the strength of Kelley’s body holding her down, or by how much Kelley seems to want this, or even by how much Lindsey herself seems to want this. 

What surprises her, what keeps surprising her, is how _ small _ Kelley is. The thought keeps nagging at her, even as Kelley ducks her head to drag her lips across Lindsey’s neck, teeth just grazing. Even has Kelley’s fingers trail across her chest, circling a nipple and causing nearly every other thought in her head to vanish, this one remains. There’s something about it that Lindsey can’t quite place and she has to figure it out, so she lets Kelley feel her up for another moment before hooking a leg around her and flipping them easily. 

Lindsey settles over her, not quite putting her weight on Kelley, and Kelley looks up at her, a mix of curious and amused. “Oh?” 

There’s something about Kelley under her that Lindsey thinks she likes, something about how despite Kelley’s wiry strength and big attitude, Lindsey feels like she has the upper hand for the first time in a long time. 

“Yeah.” Lindsey says. She leans down to kiss Kelley, biting at her lip, and Kelley makes a little noise at the pressure that Lindsey’s going to be thinking about for days. Lindsey moves to her neck, sucking hard, not caring how many of their teammates are going to see her tomorrow, while Kelley winds her hands into Lindsey’s hair. 

“You’re tiny.” Lindsey says into Kelley’s neck, because for some reason she’s still thinking about it. “How do they let people this small play soccer?” 

“Shut up, brat.” Kelley says, eye roll evident in her voice as she tightens her grip on Lindsey’s hair and drags her down to her chest. Lindsey rolls her eyes at that, but takes one of Kelley’s nipples in her mouth anyways, sucking hard until it’s small and tight in her mouth. 

Kelleys hands jump over her body like she can’t decide where to keep them, moving from her shoulders to her hair, to her back. Her body arches up against Lindsey and it’s so hot that Lindsey has to move up her body to kiss her again, Kelley pulling at her until Lindsey finally drops down, their chests pressing together as Kelley puts her hands back in Lindsey hair, moaning up into her mouth. 

Lindsey’s so focused on that, on the feel of Kelley’s mouth, that when Kelley squirms against her again, their bodies brushing, the rush of deja vu almost knocks her off the bed. It’s what she had been missing this whole time, what she hadn’t been able to put a finger on. _ I’m so fucking stupid _ is all she can think. Because underneath her like this, Kelley feels like Emily. That same slim frame, those same wiry muscles. _ Same body type _ Lindsey thinks and she doesn’t want to but she shuts her eyes and when she does, it’s Emily under her, writhing. It makes her feel horrible, and also wetter than she has all night. The floodgates are open now and so Lindsey lets herself think, just for a moment, about that night, the way Emily had moved against her in the dark, the way she’d felt so desperately happy. 

“Where’d you go?” Kelley mumbles against her mouth and just like that, Lindsey is back, in a hotel room, in an unfamiliar city, on top of a teammate-and-sometimes-friend, trying to get over what was maybe the best night of her life. 

“I’m right here.” Lindsey says, and takes Kelleys hands from her hair, moving them above Kelley’s head. She holds Kelley’s wrists down, and unlike Emily, who liked it too much to really pretend to fight, Kelley gives some resistance and it gives Lindsey a rush to have to put her weight into it, to hold her down harder. She gets a leg in between Kelley's, flexing her thigh and letting Kelley do the rest, rutting up against it and whining. Kelley props her own leg up for Lindsey to work against and they move together like that for a while, the only sound in the room their harsh breathing as Lindsey lets herself fall into a fantasy where Emily still lives in Portland, and loves her, and sleeps with her without calling it a mistake. 

“Are you thinking about her,” Kelley murmurs, like a fucking mind reader, and her voice sounds dangerous and Lindsey loves it and hates it. She thinks about the way Emily’s voice sounds when she’s turned on, how it’s nothing like this. “Answer me.”

“Yeah,” Lindsey chokes out. 

Kelley groans breathily against her, hips snapping up harder. “Me too.”

Neither of them have even gotten their underwear off yet, but judging by the way they’re rubbing against each other Lindsey doesn’t think they’re going to get there. Her thighs are burning, and it’s only another minute until she’s gone, trembling, pressing Kelley deeper into the mattress. It's not long after that Kelley moans underneath her, her legs tightening around Lindseys. 

Lindsey doesn’t linger, after. She doesn’t want to cuddle, doesn’t want to process. She wants to go back to her room and get into bed and dream about Emily and pretend like when she wakes up all of this won’t hurt anymore. She dresses quietly and is headed for the door when Kelley calls out. 

“Hold up.” 

When she looks back Kelley is lounging against the pillows, the sheets pooled at her waist. She looks like there should be a cigarette between her fingers, though Lindsey is sure Kelley has never smoked. 

“Some advice.” Kelley says, not unkindly. “Get over yourself, Horan. Sometimes the pretty girl doesn’t like you back. And sometimes you even have to keep playing on the same soccer team as her. So maybe you’re lucky.” 

There’s nothing to say to that, so Lindsey doesn’t. She just presses her lips together and slips into the hallway. It’s quiet and late. Her room is going to be empty and her bed is going to be cold. She lets Kelley’s door fall shut behind her and walks away. 

**Author's Note:**

> Title from California Cosmo - Eddie Island 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed!


End file.
